Epic Meal – Burger Time

The Epic Meal that I promised myself is still in early phases. In fact it is still phase one, which is “Here is an idea”. Currently the plan is to be inspired by some kind of burger because I absolutely love burgers. I don’t mind Burger King but the preference is diner burgers and burgers from places that is not a chain. Although apparently In’n’Out Burger is really good so I plan to try and review one of their burgers.

One of my favourite burgers is from Le Parker Meridien Hotel in New York City. There are plenty of good burgers in NYC, but Le Parker Meridien has an incredible one.


They might not be much to look at to the untrained casual observer. A burger connoisseur, such as me, knows better than to judge a burger just by it’s looks. In reality they look much better but these are amateur photos. It has a perfect mix of lettuce, onion, tomato, gherkins, cheese, and an impressive bun to meat ratio. A good burger will not be thin because a thicker burger will be juicier (without being overly greasy) and can be cooked to a perfect medium or medium rare.

But this is about Epic Meals. Sure the previously mentioned burger is epic in its own right, but surely this is epic:


The Super Scooby

That folks, is called a Super Scooby. It costs £10 and weighs 1.5kg, cooked and sold in Bristol. Depending on your opinion, I was fortunate enough to have one last night. According to various news sources, if you finish it in one sitting then you get a free can of Diet Coke. I am sure that makes up for the impressive stats that come with the burger.

“Britain’s largest and most fattening burger has gone on sale – with an artery-busting 2,645 calories.

Loaded with four beefburgers, eight rashers of bacon, eight slices of cheese, 12 onion rings, heaps of salad and three sauces, the ‘Super Scooby’ contains 145 more calories than the daily recommended limit for men.”

That calorie count might alarm some people but bear in mind that 2,500 is the recommended daily limit and doesn’t take into account lifestyle.

Anyway that was last night. It was quite the experience. I ate it with a friend at his house and at first we were confused because it’s a bit tricky to just pick up and eat like a normal burger. Our tactic was to break it down into several burgers, eating it as 4 different burgers. At first I thought it was quite tasty. That all changed though when I got about halfway.


My version of the burger

It’s still painful to remember the experience. I was confident I could finish it and I was absolutely exhausted from playing rugby the previous day due to a loss of fitness. Halfway I struggled a bit. Other friends who were watching began to doubt me and my fellow burger eater was ahead in his. My new tactic was to play the long game. I would have to rely on my mental stamina and determination and push myself through any pain. Officially we weren’t racing but it was quite obvious that if one of us won, it would be quite the victory. The burger had a lot of barbecue sauce and I’m not a huge fan of that stuff at the best of times. Also the onion rings were nice at first but I started to hate them. It became more of a chore than a pleasurable luxury meal that served as a social commentary and the excessive lifestyle that westerners had.

But I had to push on. We both managed to get down to the last piece of meat. I had caught up with my friend and we both decided to use a knife and fork because it was just getting far too messy. I decided to separate the last bit of meat from the bread and salad. This was a clever move. I kept on going, chewing quite a bit and drinking a lot of water because of the amount of salt was making us dehydrated. My friend went through two litres of water while eating the burger.

It was a struggle but pain is only temporary while glory lasts forever. I finished it in about an hour and beat my friend. The long game won. It was literally the tortoise and the hare.

I walked back home in a bit of pain but let off a large burp and felt absolutely fine. I can still feel it and have been hungry today and ate things but felt full and bloated. What a surprise.

All in all it’s not a great burger. It boasts three sauces and I only discovered two (BBQ sauce and mayonnaise) and the meat patties are too thin, resulting in being over cooked and dry. The bacon adds grease though. The onion rings add pain. But it’s not really about the food as food but rather as a challenge and a concept.

Would I do it again? Definitely not. We joked that surely a bigger burger would just be the combination of two of these things and I blacked out at that point from the shock and fear. I did some research on big ass burgers in the USA and not surprisingly they are huge (I think the biggest has a 50 pound meat patty) but the Super Scooby above is certainly more practical.

Allegedly there is a guy who eats one of these a week. He crushes it down and chomps it in five minutes. He weighs 20 stone. What a surprise.




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